October 12, 2025 Ephesians 5

Our marriages & relationships are to be an overflow of our growing & fulfilling relationship with Jesus Christ. A bride-to-be came up to me while we were prepping their ceremony & said with gritted teeth & a flash in her eyes, you will not preach the verse that says a wife submits to her husband! (got it, bucko!?) I decided to go with something out of 1st Corinthians. 😊There is a lot of energy behind the word submit. Read those verses & if you are a wife, pay attention to what is happening in your heart when you hear those words. If a husband, I’ll ask the same thing with the husband verses. If not married, you can go get a cookie. Just kidding! We are to be subject to one another– so you too are on the hook. Paul has been making the point that we are to be continually filled with the Holy Spirit (Eph. 5:18) & submit (be subject) to one another is the final clause in that sentence. It is directly from that launch-pad he dives into his discourse on marriage. He is thereby assuming the husband & wife are continually being filled with God’s Spirit & submitting to each other out reverence for Christ. The heart changes only by the power of God’s Spirit. THE HOLY SPIRIT will bring glory to me by taking from what is mine & making it known to you – Jesus (John 16:14). Making known means a momentous announcement that rivets attention: like the story of my dad heart filling my kids with love. That the eyes of our heart would be enlightened (Eph 1:18), that we may have the power to grasp what is the length & depth & to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge(3:17-18). The importance of the Holy Spirit’s presence within us cannot be overstated & creates an inner music whose melody is gratitude. The portrait of marriage Paul is painting is not of needy people who are unsure of their value & purpose & are trying to find their significance in the arms of their spouse. Keller points out that if you add two vacuums together, you only get a bigger, stronger vacuum… a giant sucking sound! Paul is assuming each is a disciple of Jesus – who find their life’s meaning & fulfillment primarily in Jesus & are already working to live out (already being changed by) the general principle of the Christian life that we are to put the needs of others ahead of our own. Paul says we are to be douloi (bondservants) of one another (Gal 5:13). The main barrier to this kind of servant heart is the radical self-centeredness of the sinful human heart. Keller writes that self-centeredness is a havoc-wreaking problem in many marriages, the ever-present enemy of every marriage… it must be dealt with. Paul writes in Corinthians, “Love is patient & kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Cor. 13:4-5). Paul shows that love is the opposite of self-centeredness. The Holy Spirit’s role is to point this out to us – He takes what is from Jesus & makes it known to us. Primarily the Good News, that I am so lost & flawed, so sinful, that Jesus had to die for me, but I am so loved & valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. Now, I am fully accepted by the Father, not because I deserve it, but because He’s full of grace. This makes us happy enough to be humble. It gives us a fullness that allows us to be generous with another even when we feel slighted. With the help of the Spirit, my love tank is full because He’s continually filling me with the love of God. You know how it goes; you can only afford to be generous if you have money in the bank. Deep happiness comes from putting the happiness of others ahead of our own in a sustained way as a response to what Jesus has done for us out of reverence for Christ vs. 21. The Me-Marriage (putting my interests first & making demands of my spouse) cannot understand this other-orientation. As human beings created in God’s image, we were made to serve God & others. Thereby, when we seek our happiness first, we are violating our very nature & becoming, ultimately, miserable. Jesus says, whoever wants to save his life shall lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it (Matt 16:25). We get hung up on the words that talk about us, when the whole thing is about Jesus & how our eyes are to be constantly fixed on Him, we’re to study Him, watch Him, absorb & think about what He did, how He did it, why He did what He did, does what He does. By the power of the Holy Spirit making this real to us & at work within us, our marriages are to be an overflow of our growing & fulfilling relationship with Jesus Christ. What does it mean to be subject? It means you do for your husband what you do for the Lord. What does it mean to give yourself up? It means you do for your wife what you do for the Lord: being subject to one another out of reverence for Christ is what makes marriage sing!

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